a desire to be free from the obligation and left alone

Let me be ugly, if I must. 

Undesirable, if I must. 

An outcast, if I must. 

Just let me be at peace with myself.

There is a phrase in my dialect, "Lowme" which may be spelled differently. I assume it comes from the English, "Allow me." We use this phrase to tell people to leave us alone, stop bothering us. In standard English it seems polite, "Allow me to be alone, please."

 But the please is a plea, a warning. Allow me to just be. Simple as that. Let me be without your interjection, without your influence. Leave me to myself, to my company, to my solitude and peace of mind. I am warning you. 

I feel this in myself right now. I want to be free from the cage of societal expectations, from the beauty standard. Oh, save me from whatever will make me a stranger to myself! Let me not be in their image, let me not want to. Let me be myself. Let me be ugly and strange and off-putting to them if it means I will be free and maintain my identity without their dictatorship. If it means I will be me, uninterrupted; uninterested in what they desire, unfazed by what they require, unfazed by their disgust at my nonconformity. Let me alone. 

Let me alone.

Leave me to my ugliness, and my ferality, and my undesirability. They cannot be used against me if I have accepted them, accepted myself as surely as I've accepted the blackness of night. There. I declared myself the ugly one. Now, lowme. 

I repeat to myself the words of Warsan Shire, "It is not my responsibility to be beautiful. I am not alive for that purpose. My existence is not about how desirable you find me." 

 I repeat to myself, "The burden of their expectations of me is not mine to bear." So, I am freeing myself from it and from all my internalized hatred.